Cracking an eye open, Kira blankly regarded the half empty glass. It's sides were still slick with condensation in the heated room but the saving grace of the liquid was a bare hint of pink champagne at the bottom. A single bubble rose through the remainder, cracked on the surface and basically taunted her very existence in its simple moment.
It was a shame that the party wasn't open bar- Kira thought tiredly. She would have really preferred to not have to snag the abandoned glass that the nice grandmother figure had left on the next table but really, she needed it much more than Granny possibly could.
Wrapping her left hand around the stem, Kira hoisted the glass, pivoted in mid air and dumped the untouched champagne into her own glass, not spilling a drop before depositing the now empty pilfered beverage on her immediate right. The bus boy didn't even blink as he scooped it up and carried it away, removing any evidence of her less than lady like behavior. She would have to remember to tip him- he obviously understood weddings.
The band was still blasting some sort of soul music- the singer obviously tiring but his band mates were assisting by playing louder- drowning out some of the less than stellar notes and keeping the party goers planted on the dance floor despite the flagging vocals.
Kira brought the glass to her lips, her lipstick had already smeared around the edges of her glass but her purse lay forgotten on the floor beside her. It wasn't really worth the effort and Kira was officially sick of effort. She had put so much effort into everything the past weeks as the wedding had approached and it had all been reduced to nothing in the span of a heartbeat.
Her heart had stopped, restarted, broke into a few couple pieces and the surviving bits had decided they were going on permanent leave all in the span of one of his heart beats.
Kira raised the glass again, the cold bitter liquid bubbled against her lips just as the equally acidic thoughts bubbled like witches brew around her mind. The shocking numbness had yet to wear off and she barely felt the warmth of the alcohol as she desperately tried to ignore the mirrored wall opposite her. It wouldn't due to actually see her lipstick smudged off or her eye makeup running. She was sure her hair was slowly escaping the myraid of bobby pins and she could feel the blister rising on her left foot from the too tall high heels she had to have.
Absolute waste- all of it.
The champagne glass still held tightly in her hand, her traitorous gaze flickered to the mirror.She looked past her image, the cobalt blue dress offsetting her blond hair made her pale skin glow in the candle light of the table's center piece but she ignored it. Her gaze landed on the couple that were dancing closest to the outskirt of the dance floor.
She hadn't realized he would bring a date to the wedding. Of course, she knew he was coming- Laura had told her she and Adam had invited him. He had started working with Adam in Atlanta soon after the break up but Kira hadn't realized...
She wished Adam had warned her, told her that Brad might have....
She took another gulp.
The bridesmaid dress fit her awkwardly, it was made for much smaller busted girls and Laura had demanded little more than for her to wear gold heels, the blue dress, and have her hair up. Kira had been happy to oblige her- she had gone past that and got her nails and toes manicured, shaved her legs under the long blue gown and slipped on a white lace garments before donning the sky high heels she had wobbled around her apartment in for the past two weeks.
It had all been for nothing. Sure Brad was coming to the wedding and of course he had told her couldn't wait to see her but she hadn't realized....
He had brought a date.
She raised the glass again, aware that the music had switched to a rocking summer hit and could hear many of the older crowd laughing, retreating to the tables to rest. She needed air, she couldn't face any of the sweet inquires about why she wasn't dancing or where her date was. She had barely made it through the dinner and toasts without dissolving into tears and after three glasses of champagne, she didn't trust herself around anyone. She just had to make it through the bouquet toss and she could disappear. She had hugged the happy couple goodbye already and toasted them all the happiness in the world. The rest of the bridesmaids could take care of the cleanup.
Kira slipped out of the side door, barely missing Laura's Aunt Gertie who was lucid enough to remember Kira from the picnic at her house six years ago and couldn't understand why Brad wasn't sitting with her anymore. The cold air of September hit her face and she felt the champagne kick back harder. The heat in her face warred with the cold air until she felt light headed and found the bench in the alcove of the reception hall. She glanced down, realizing she still was holding the champagne glass, its liquid still bubbling in the dusk.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she rolled her head back, trying to drown out the incessant mantra of stupid girl that seemed to be playing like a prayer in her head. She heard the side door pull open and she dropped her gaze to find Brad walking towards her, a scotch tumbler in his hand.
He had worn the gray suit- the one she had helped him pick out. The tie was new- it matched the green of his date's dress but it much skinnier than the ties he normally wore. Kira found herself wondering if he had picked it out or What's Her Name had.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked, leaning against the alcove's wall, effectively trapping her. She felt the warmth flooding her cheeks.
"Just getting some air," she replied. She kept her gaze fixed on the lamp across the street, watching it flicker as the wind blew branches across its face. Brad shifted and she found herself looking up into his eyes- dark grey in the twilight.
"Yea, me too. Didn't really like the idea of sweating to death in a suit of all things- much rather die in a manly boxing match with a grizzly or swimming with piranhas. You know?"
She nodded absently, tracing the condensation with her index finger as they both fell into silence.
"How's your job going?" He asked, his voice light.
"It's fine, been busy lately," she replied.
"Yea, Adam told me you just landed a new account with the city, congratulations. Laura said she tried to get you to cater the wedding but you wussed out."
" I didn't wuss out." She replied blankly. She did not want to get into this...
"Admit it, you wussed out." He pushed.
"I had three other weddings this weekend and I couldn't be a bridesmaid and cater her wedding at the same time!" She fired back. He shrugged and she felt anger surge. He never understood what a catering business meant. "I wasn't being lazy or scared- I just didn't have the man power, Bradley. I literally couldn't do it if I wanted to stand at the altar with her but you know I probably should have just declined to part of the wedding party, makes so much more sense."
"Jesus, Kira what the hell is wrong with you?" His voice was annoyed and she shook her head, the curls around her face sticking slightly to the cool sweat from the hall.
"Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired. How you been?" She regretted asking it the moment it slipped out but it was routine. Deflect focus, deflect attention.
"Pretty good. Got a promotion last month to Director of Research and got a new place down on Peachtree- you know the apartments by the mall we went to?"
She remembered. They had bought the suit that day.
"It's really nice, two bedrooms. You'll have to stay the next time you come and visit Adam and Laura, we can go fishing down the street at the park with the lake."
"Seriously?" She asked, her tone quiet. "I'm sure you're date in there would really appreciate you inviting me to see your place."
"I didn't mean it like that, Kira. I just thought you'd like to see it," he snapped. He loosened his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. It was shorter than she remembered, she didn't like it as much as when it curled over his forehead.
"Well, sure, maybe I will then."
Silence fell again as the traffic breezed past them. Kira distinctly heard a few party goers on the other side of the building and wondered how she could best excuse her self and at the same time hated herself for not wanting to leave. He chinked his ice together and stared out over the street.
"Can't believe they finally got married," he finally offered.
"Yea, about time," she absently said. "I'm happy for them but I'm going to miss her. I'll have to try to visit on long weekends if I ever get time off."
"You never could get time off to come visit before," he replied gruffly and Kira found herself chuckling darkly. She felt herself stand, the glass of champagne still wrapped tightly in her hand and her gaze found his in the dark.
" What are you doing Brad?" She asked, her voice raised and her champagne trying to escape the confines of its glass as she gestured violently.
"I'm just talking to you-"
"No, you are punishing me. You have a date waiting for you, you should probably go back." She kept her eyes on him, refusing to back down, waiting for him to leave.
"Kira, I'm not punishing you, I just wanted to talk to you and you've been avoiding me all night." His earnest tone made her look up at the sky, blinking back the tears that were threatening. The champagne had been such a good idea at the time.
"Because you brought some girl to the wedding of the people I introduced you to when you knew I was going to be here. After you told me how excited you were to see me-"
"I am excited to see you-"
"Brad! Just stop, can you please just stop?" She felt her resolve crumbling, felt the pieces of her heart trying vainly to keep pumping blood into her system and felt the champagne rushing along with it. "Just enjoy the rest of the party."
He didn't move. He continued to stare out across the street and she felt the familiar pull to keep talking. It was how they always had argued. She exploded and he just silently waited for it to all come out before responding. She would talk herself into a completely different conversation and he was able to steer it to clear waters before she was even aware they hadn't discussed what she wanted to.
"I didn't bring her to hurt you." he finally said.
"I know." She mumbled, looking down at the small wet stain on her side where the champagne had spilled. She always spilled champagne.
"I asked her to go with me before I talked to you last month and I didn't think you would come alone. Adam told me you were seeing someone."
"I went out with a guy from Laura's office a couple times, nothing there so I ended it before it started." The side door tilted open but closed again abruptly before anyone exited. She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. "Look-"
"You look nice tonight."
It hung in the air between the two of them, the words a reminder of the countless nights she had fallen asleep next to him, woken up with bed head and tried to figure out how to tell him she loved him when he was against the idea of it. It had always been so much easier to tell her she looked nice than that he cared about her, so much easier to make it about looks and appearances than what actually happened under the surface. She felt a dark thought pop into existence as she wondered if he had kissed the Girl in the Green Dress, if they had slept together yet. She felt sick.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was bringing a date- I thought Adam mentioned it to Laura." He apologized and she knew he meant it, knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. He had moved on- she hadn't. It was simple.
"It's fine, Brad. I better get back in there before I miss something important." She slipped past him but felt his hand on her arm, stopping her far more effectively than his words.
" I mean it, Kira. I hope you come down to Atlanta soon. I miss seeing you."
She stared up at him, the heels still not raising her to his eye line and she felt a desperate wild hope fill her like champagne bubbles. But just as quickly as it rose, so did the mental image of him and the Girl in the Green Dress.
Tears burned a warning- her pride hadn't quite abandoned her to her emotional turmoil- yet. She nodded her understanding, avoiding his direct gaze and wishing fervently that she could wrap her arms around him and forget that they broken up over three years ago. Forget that she was still in love with him. Forget the girl in the hall waiting on him to return.
She needed to remember to breathe.
She needed to remember to get a glass of water, wipe off her running eyeliner and reapply her lipstick. She needed to remember that this was goodbye and that tomorrow was going to dawn in a couple of hours.
"See you later, Brad."
And she needed to remember how to smile.
