Okay, the idea behind xXx got me interested. Plus, Vin Diesel heavily tattooed and in muscle shirts didn’t sway me from said interest. Based heavily on heavy metal and extreme sports, xXx goes right past the line of credible disbelief and right into “let’s just blow some shit up!”
The music is actually a great fit- screaming, pulsing, clawing at you and refusing to let you alone- the metal basically drives the entire movie but the few scenes that are fast paced without it feel lacking. So that’s basically the entire movie.
The script is stale and uninventive- written by Rich Wilkes (Airheads)- and Vin Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson add nothing to it. Or perhaps they tried to save it the best they could. Sure the whole underground stunt internet site where Vin gets to crash corvettes off bridges and parachute away in a Cadillac with Tony Hawk and Corey Hart is actually pretty damn fun but the surfing down Prague handrails on a serving platter is completely ridiculous. Right up there with snowboarding in front of an avalanche…
So, plot wise- we have a Russian group named Anarchy 99 who resides in a dark, dangerous, flashy world of parties, women, and cars; NSA group who decides criminals are more expendables than their tux wearing agents (because really you never ever can get the blood out) and biochemical warfare. Which surprised me. I figured with all of the explosions and racing and explosions- we’d have some kind of rocket doomsday device as opposed to a stealth submarine named Ahab.
Plus, there’s a girl, as Samuel L. Jackson puts it “There’s always a girl.” And of course, you can see it coming from a mile away and it doesn’t help the actress pouts and freezes just liked you expect a Russian terrorist woman to-but her lack of warmth barely thaws as the movie progresses.
The lighting and camera angles try to live up to their music pulsed hype- but with such a extreme sports theme running, I couldn’t help but wish the director went with more upside down, angle up, angle down, angle halfway twisted on the half pipe kind of frames instead of the flashy strobe lights that were colored to fit the mood. (Blue ice, blue electric, red danger, yellow uncertainty…we get it…)
But the movie never quite goes all the way with the extreme sport angle. I never cared about any character and was completely fine with any one of them going into the great beyond especially if it took lines like “I live for this shit!” and “Ever watch lions at the zoo?” and please let’s not forget “Welcome to the Xander Zone!”
And while they went for the extreme sports in some regards- they left it utterly disgraced and in a corner at others. Sure, Diesel straps his frame to a motor bike in his motor pants and takes off against a helicopter but then he goes to Prague and it must be really, really cold there for him to pull on the fur, fuzzy coat that makes him look like a reject pimp.
And just who costumed these people anyway? I mean, I suppose they’re supposed to look like Eastern Europeans but do Eastern Europeans really have that kind of fashion sense? All bikini and thigh high boots and pimp jackets with tattoos everywhere? With heavy makeup and piercings and bad highlights? Congrats on making us American girls look classy.
And I wish they had kept the NSA mostly out of the story line- especially since Jackson just looks bored most of the movie and drawls his lines as if seeing how ridiculous he can really make this character without trying. Add the usual pompous jerk, the obnoxious geek who invents gadgets including penetrator binoculars used on the closest Prague female detective, and cold NSA building and you have a anarchist’s view of the NSA. Except they’re the good guys in this movie…right?
While I enjoyed they chose a city other than London or Paris, Prague never really developed for me. Sure, the opera house is stunning and the ancient statues are imposing and tributes to art but most of the time Cohen tried to shove the ancient city down our throats. But in the midst of all the action, there was no subtly, no humility to the movie- just pure action and arrogance. What can Mother Nature and a group of highly trained Russian anarchists do in the face of the pure adrenaline that is xXx? Not a whole hell of a lot apparently.
So, if you are looking for a movie full of explosions and no real plot with a scantily dressed woman and a group of deranged psychos threatening the free world, stop re-watching Transformers 2. Simply revisit xXx and just let all the pounding, screaming, fire balls, and cocky grins reassure you that America is never going to let anarchists get rid of governments= not when we have our own criminal deviants who when disagreeing with a senator’s choice of banning video games and rap music, simply steal his corvette and crash it off a bridge.
And while I didn’t mind the Corvette’s grisly death- as Xander weakly says when NSA brings him in “It was only a Corvette…”- it is interesting to see how this depiction of government and its role almost wavers between necessary and limiting. Anarchy 99 wants no government so they can rule their own world in private while Xander is a unwilling pawn in his government’s own plan and other characters are abandoned by their government or simply willing to walk away from theirs. What exactly are Cohen and Wilkes trying to say? That as tempting as a world without government may seem- it would only turn out new governments in their place?
I mostly believe it was – Hey look what we can do with some flammable material and a motor bike/helicopter/airplane/snowboard/muscle car/parachute! So, maybe I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to sit down and explore the testosterone driven ride of xXx although the basic concepts and title design itself were interesting- I never could get further than mild interest and certainty that a man cannot be that bad a shot and be a mercenary.
Side note: A stunt man was killed in the making of the movie. Failing to zip down his parachute line to a speeding sub as fast as necessary, the man hit a bridge and was killed instantly. Cohen chose to include most of the footage up until his death in tribute. Personally, it explained the odd feeling I had during the sequence as I watched the bridge and thought “There’s no way he wouldn’t hit that at those speeds…he’s not going to make that…”- only to wish I had been wrong.
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