Ellen closed the journal and slid back into the arm chair. The brown leather gleamed in the firelight emanating from the slowly dying fire in the hearth but Ellen simply closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, released it slowly through her mouth, and opened her eyes again.
The large pair of brown gold eyes took in the surroundings, occasionally flickering back to the journal and then back to the fire. As if possessed by a sudden thought, her hand suddenly moved from its relaxed position near her heart to clasp at the silver necklace dangling from her throat- her eyes wrenching themselves away from the flames as if being forced against their will. They fluttered shut and her hand rubbed away at the blood red pendent that lay clasped in her grip.
“Ellen?” A soft voice asked, breaking the peaceful sounds of the crackling logs and the muted noises emanating from outside despite the sealed walls.
“Yes, mum?” Ellen muttered softly, eyes still screwed shut.
“Are you sure this is wise?” Leigh watched as the figure sitting in front of her slowly opened her eyes to regard her.
“Not really,” Ellen smiled, “but I want to try it.”
Leigh nodded, her blond hair swinging free from the loose ponytail she had captured it in. She had deep lines on her face and a large burn mark on the left side of her neck that glowed pink in the fire light that crinkled when she moved. She was standing beside the stove, a pot steaming behind her and the overhead lamp offering its meager electrical assistance.
Assured, she turned back to the pot and started to fill the bowls that sat stacked next to it. Ellen regarded the movements as if it was a dance-keeping her attention pinned to her mother’s definite movements. The heavy sound of footsteps from upstairs broke the noise once more.
“Told you he was hungry,” Ellen teased, sliding back more comfortably into the chair.
“And I told you were a smart ass,” Leigh retorted but froze as soon as the words left her mouth. She whirled back to face her daughter whose hand was already back at her throat and eyes shut. A young man appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
“Is she doing it again?” He asked; the frustration obvious in his voice.
“No,” Ellen muttered around clenched teeth. “I’m just counting to eighty nine.”
“Don’t forget twenty four,” he offered, loping into the room to scoop up the first full bowl of chili that was lying forgotten on the counter.
“Do not start, Phil or you’ll get firewood duty again next week-“
“Seriously, because psycho over there can’t help but have freak moments and put as all in mortal danger?” Phil snapped, shoveling a spoonful into his mouth, avoiding his mother’s glare.
“The psycho is sorry your life is so hard,” Ellen growled, “but could you please not smack your food like a-“
“ELLEN!” Leigh shouted, her arms out raised and Phil’s bowl crashed to the ground with a splat and crack. The sounds of the fire receded as the noise of their heartbeats and panicked breathing overwhelmed it. A strangled sob broke through the room just as the door from the outside swung open.
“Square root of 171,” demanded the newcomer, settling into the warmth of the cabin and shutting the door firmly behind him.
“You gave her that one last week, Dad,” Phil said, his eyes not moving from his sister. Leigh made a motion to go towards Ellen but Ernest put his hand up.
“Square root of 171, Eleanor,” he repeated. Ellen sucked in a deep breath and then began tapping her pendent. On the thirteenth beat, she stilled and opened her eyes.
“Roughly 13.08,” she said, standing and walking towards the kitchen to collect the food. At her answer, the entire family visibly relaxed. “How was work?”
“Rough,” Ernest said, standing beside the kitchen island and digging his hands into his pockets. “New guy was assigned to me so I have to take him on the sales for the next couple of weeks- he’s about your age, Ellie.”
“How nice for him,” Phil muttered.
“Where’d he go to school at?” Ellen inquired as Leigh began to clean the spill. Philip picked up the shards of his bowl and deposited them into the sink.
“Penn State, I think.” Ernest said.
“He studied business or sales?” Leigh asked, focusing on the thick mess that splattered the floor and not looking towards the table.
“Business management but he has a strong history in sales from his undergraduate job. But I don’t know why Allen didn’t put him with the senior sales coordinator instead. Joe loves getting new guys to terrorize.”
“Guys…”Phil said, his eyes on his sister who was staring out the window with a blank look on her face, her spoon forgotten in her hand.
“What is the time measure in seconds between your birthday and Philips?” Leigh asked before determinedly continuing on. “Well, maybe it’ll be good for you. Philip, can you hand me another paper towel?”
“I just don’t understand why they think it’s necessary for a man about to retire to train a brand new guy; Jenkins already has dibs on my clients as it is.”
“Phil, how did you do on that bio exam today?” Leigh asked as she rinsed the rags out. Phil shrugged, glancing over at Ellen who was counting under her breath, before answering.
“I got a 73,” he offered. “She took points off for my lack of creative problem solving.”
“One hundred and ten million four hundred and ninety nine thousand two hundred and forty one seconds,” Ellen said before adding pointedly. “And they were the best ones of my life.”
“Whatever,” Phil said, “I’m the favorite.”
“Because you can’t accidentally kill anyone with a single thought.”
“Yea, and I don’t look like a monkey.”
“I don’t look like a monkey, you look like a monkey-“
“ELLEN!” Leigh reprimanded, throwing a worried glance toward Phil who had gone still again.
“God, I wasn’t imagining it, I was just being sarcastic!” Ellen groaned, thrusting her chin into her hand.
“Ellen, listen to your mother,” Ernest joined in.
“Don’t start, Dad,” Ellen said, “It happened one time and he only thought he had turned into a monkey.”
“Just drop it, Ernest,” Leigh said but Ernest shook his head at her.
“And what about the time you imagined the alien invasion?” Ernest demanded, and Ellen rolled her eyes.
“Come on, that could have been a lot worse,” Ellen defended.
“Yea, Dad, they could have been outer space aliens instead of Canadians,” Phil said. “And they love it here.”
“But still, three hundred French Canadians just show up in Colorado and no one questions it? You got lucky, kid,” Ernest grumbled.
“Dad,” Ellen interrupted. She regarded him and her mother for a moment before continuing. “You know I don’t mean to affect people like that, I was just daydreaming….”
“You know you can’t do just daydream, Ell,” Phil said. “Although the last one was pretty kick ass.”
Leigh sighed. ”Honestly, Ellen, who in their right mind day dreams about becoming the mayor?”
“A girl who isn’t allowed to go out in public unless mildly sedated,” Ellen retorted.
“Ellen,” Ernest warned.
“Yea, I know, it’s for my and everyone's safety,” Ellen hedged. “It’s not like I meant for the purely ridiculous thought about being able to read a dog’s mind mean I literally want to be able to read dog’s minds. Besides, the whole mayor of the day thing was in the realm of possibility.”
“And everyone at school loved that story she wrote about it. Doug Black still can’t figure out how my immune system deficient sister could know that he has to sleep with a hair dryer on every night,” Phil laughed.
“Ellen, I thought you said you weren’t using anything that you really learned?” Leigh reprimanded tiredly.
“I didn’t use his real name…I called the character Marty Bell and changed it from a bulldog to a black lab,” Ellen explained. “No one knows it’s about Doug Black except him and his bulldog.”
“Hysterical,” Phil chuckled.
“And I think it’s helping to document it, Mom,” Ellen continued. “I know I get really prone to suggestion during and after but look, I’ve been able to sit and joke about it without imagining something new for over an hour now.”
Leigh looked uncertain and in the dim firelight and overthrow from the dim bulb in the kitchen, the family looked broken and disjointed. A small crack from outside broke the silence and a knock at the door followed.
“Ellen,” Ernest said, but Ellen was already standing and walking towards the stairs, looking back towards the door only once before disappearing upstairs.
“Phil, tell your friends that you’ll meet them outside,” Ernest said, turning back to his son who sat staring after his sister.
“They’re just curious about her. They saw her through the window last week and don’t understand why no one can meet her,” Phil explained quietly, his shoulders were bowed and despite his six feet frame, the eighteen year old looked like a small boy again.
“Because someone might get hurt, Phil,” Leigh explained gently, putting her arm on her son’s shoulder and standing up to greet the shadows at the door. “Something as simple as your sister wondering what it would be like for someone to do something could turn into something else entirely.”
“She was sixteen and scared, ”Ernest said and Leigh paused at the door, her hand holding the knob loosely in her hand as another knock rattled the wood.
“And that poor clerk was just in the wrong place at the wrong time when your imaginative sister walked into his store and wondered what she would do if she was ever at a store when it got robbed. And then simply mused on what would happen if she was in a car crash or hoped that her teacher got sick and had to cancel class-“ Leigh said desperately, her tiredness flaring up in her eyes and her voice clear to breaking.
“I know she didn’t mean to hurt anyone, Dad,” Phil interjected. “She didn’t mean for me to crash my car and go into a coma for a week! Or want the firefighter she had a crush on to have to rescue Mom from a burning building or you to lose your job and us have to move to Colorado!” He gestured at the small cabin and continued. “Believe me, I know that! But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s the reason we have to live like this!”
Phil looked from his mother to his father and shook his head.
“You don’t think I’m miserable lying to everyone that I’ve got an older sister who has to stay in her airtight room because she has no immune system? Or that the crazy things around here happen due to the fact that she can’t imagine things without them happening somehow?”
“Philip,” Ernest interrupted and as he twisted to continue his tirade against his father, another loud knock rang at the door. And just as suddenly as his anger rose, it ebbed. “I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for us all. But you have to understand that this is how it is.”
Phil stood, nodded stiffly and crossed to the door. Leigh stepped back and the sound of car starting entered the house as Phil flung the door open and called out for his friends to wait as he strode into the dark.
“Ernest…”Leigh whispered. “I can’t keep doing this everyday. Worrying about her, worrying about him, about you and people we’ve never even met,” she looked over at her husband of twenty five years and shook her head. “I don’t know how.”
“It’s just how it is, honey,” Ernest said, standing up and scooting his chair back away from the table. “It’s just how it has to be. Whether we want it to be or not.”
And as the sound of a car driving away filled the cabin, the couple began to clean up the dinner, not noticing the figure sitting hidden at the top of the stairs.
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