The woman next to me can do the splits. And the Indian woman in front of me is channeling monks. But it's okay! Because this is a basic Hatha Yoga class. It's about breathing- not about how one can hoist onself off the ground indian style and swing back and forth into plank position....
Whoa.
I actually enjoyed the hour long session even if my forearms, back of my calves and wrists were screaming at me to be a wimp and just go back to child pose for the love of Ghandi! Oh no my friends, Warrior Pose! Cobra! Downward facing dog! Breathing through my nose! Exhaling into another aggressively named pose! Trying to remember to keep my eyes closed and not focus on the two Jedi masters next to me. And why does the yoga instructor sound like Delilah?
Being extremely nervous about yoga, I have always put off trying it. I didn't take advantage of the classes they taught at college because I was also too busy being a stressed theatre student to take the time to attend a free session and as the years went on, I just got way too nervous about it. Did I have to have my own mat? What does one wear? Do you go barefoot? And how will I know what to do? I"M NOT FLEXIBLE!
But no more. I am determined to grow. So, I went and purchased flexible cotton pants (which okay might be extremely cute and look awesome with the matching tank top) and may have grabbed the on sale yoga/pilates double thick mat (lilac/teal reversible!) and gone to it. The monks may have something to say about my worrying more about my style than my poses but obviously they had less cramped classrooms where the woman next to you can completely bend her foot into your face- making you damn glad you got a pedicure so you can attempt to shove your foot in her facial area without worrying about her gagging. Consequently in case you were wondering, I didn't manage to fully bend my leg sideways. However, she did compliment me on my nail polish.
So, as I exhaled into child pose, I listened to the wise instructor (who still sounds like Delilah) explain that yoga is not about getting rid of stress or illness or pain- but to bring you back to your wholeness. To remove yourself from suffering and allow you to experience the pain which allows you to be whole. And I breathed in and out and kept my eyes closed from the mirror image of myself (complete with Indian monk woman in perfect plank) and just let go of the stress and uncertainty and just let myself relax into the moment.
For the first time that day, I didn't mind the cute couples in the back doing yoga together or feel lonely as I watched the two friends shopping for cute outfits together and wish wholeheartedly that I was just back with friends in a city I loved because of them- No, I exhaled and jumped into plank and somehow managed to do a decent warrior pose and figured I may be onto something with the whole self improvement before self hatred thing.
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