Sunday, April 24, 2011
288- Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist
Welcome back to- really really really quick recap-
I didn't know nor want to know any of the music of the Infinite Playlist.
Michael Cera is a very good straight man. However, I am getting slightly sick of seeing the same character in every movie. Recycling is good. Just not in movies.
If you lose a drunk Catholic schoolgirl in NYC, it turns into an episode of Law and Order, not a romantic comedy.
Three gay guys in a creeper van is actually pretty funny for some unknown reason.
Cera and Jennings are actually pretty cute together. Even the awkward Orgasm scene was endearing.
Evil Ex was suitably evil and never tried to redeem herself. I'm okay with that.
So, I didn't laugh out loud or love it and since I've had the disc from Netflix for almost a year now, it would punish me accordingly by not having the last two minutes of the movie- but like they say- "I'm okay with that."
Recommended: You have two hours to spare and want a sweet movie that doesn't try to be anything it's not. Oh, and if you like drag queens dressed as Jesus.
I didn't know nor want to know any of the music of the Infinite Playlist.
Michael Cera is a very good straight man. However, I am getting slightly sick of seeing the same character in every movie. Recycling is good. Just not in movies.
If you lose a drunk Catholic schoolgirl in NYC, it turns into an episode of Law and Order, not a romantic comedy.
Three gay guys in a creeper van is actually pretty funny for some unknown reason.
Cera and Jennings are actually pretty cute together. Even the awkward Orgasm scene was endearing.
Evil Ex was suitably evil and never tried to redeem herself. I'm okay with that.
So, I didn't laugh out loud or love it and since I've had the disc from Netflix for almost a year now, it would punish me accordingly by not having the last two minutes of the movie- but like they say- "I'm okay with that."
Recommended: You have two hours to spare and want a sweet movie that doesn't try to be anything it's not. Oh, and if you like drag queens dressed as Jesus.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
289- The Manager
Patience is a virtue.
Or so I'm told. Obviously, I'm lacking a couple of those as is. But patience...
Patience I never quite got a handle on.
---
"Excuse me, do you have a manager?"
Great. A guest. Staring at me, disdain clear in those watery blue eyes. I have literally two more people to check for credit report, it's not even 8 a.m. and he wants the manager. Great.
"Yes sir, I'd be happy to go get her for you, but is there anything I can help with?"
Come on, just tell me. Please please please don't say-
"No, I'd like to speak to a manager."
Great. Don't waste any time thinking about it, just go ahead and put me in my rightful place. Clerk. Scum. The humanoid presence that happens to speak in sentences. I should put a sign on the desk: Ring Once for Assistance; Ring Twice to Bitch for Free Stuff.
He'd ring twice.
"Of course, sir. I'd be happy to go get my manager."
And pretend to walk away, fake start, whirl back and earnestly ask:
"Oh, I'm sorry, what was the room number again?"
"412-"
Sucker. They always fall for the again line.
"No wait, 721."
Of course, because 721 and 412 are so easy to confuse. Let's see, Mr. Lovett. Ah, of course. The ones with Love and Joy in their names are the worse ones. Like they decided to overcompensate for a last name that automatically puts them in the happy fluffy category.
The Killeroys and Homicidialles are usually pretty nice.
"Of course, Mr. Lovett. I'll be happy to get my manager for you today. If she's not available, would you like me to have her call the room?"
"No, I'm leaving for the rest of the day. You know, I just find it hard to believe that you would stick your customers in a room that is right next to the elevator, has the bathroom the size of a closet, and a room you can barely move around in--"
Wait for it...
"I was just expecting a lot more from the Brinkley House."
Ding Ding Ding. We have a winner.
"Mr Lovett, I do apologize but due to the nature of historic hotels, our room sizes are smaller. I do know that certain bathrooms have little space but I'd be happy to move you to a quiet room that has a bit of a larger bathroom."
"Well, that's fine but I can't do it right now since I'm on my way out, I'll stop by later and pick up the new keys."
"Of course, sir. I'll take care of it for you."
He's doing the peer thing. Trying to see what my name tag says. I wonder if he realizes he looks like a turtle when he does that...
"Just stop by back at the desk later today sir and ask for me, I'm Samantha."
"Fine."
"Have a good day, Mr. Lovett."
Hmm, and there he goes. No thank you. But that would mean he had to admit I was doing him a service as opposed to what he rightly deserves.
"Hey I'm back, you finish the credit check yet?"
"No, got a guest. You find the gift card in the back?"
"Yea, it was on Tatiana's desk."
"Do you think people know that they look like turtles?"
"Something's wrong with you, Sam."
"Yea, I can't finish credit check."
"Oh, good morning sir, how can I help you today?"
One more to go....
"Is a manager available?"
Don't look up, don't get involved....
"Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"
Bless her. She's trying. One. Two. Three-
"I would prefer to speak to your manager ."
He's all yours, Jenny.
Or so I'm told. Obviously, I'm lacking a couple of those as is. But patience...
Patience I never quite got a handle on.
---
"Excuse me, do you have a manager?"
Great. A guest. Staring at me, disdain clear in those watery blue eyes. I have literally two more people to check for credit report, it's not even 8 a.m. and he wants the manager. Great.
"Yes sir, I'd be happy to go get her for you, but is there anything I can help with?"
Come on, just tell me. Please please please don't say-
"No, I'd like to speak to a manager."
Great. Don't waste any time thinking about it, just go ahead and put me in my rightful place. Clerk. Scum. The humanoid presence that happens to speak in sentences. I should put a sign on the desk: Ring Once for Assistance; Ring Twice to Bitch for Free Stuff.
He'd ring twice.
"Of course, sir. I'd be happy to go get my manager."
And pretend to walk away, fake start, whirl back and earnestly ask:
"Oh, I'm sorry, what was the room number again?"
"412-"
Sucker. They always fall for the again line.
"No wait, 721."
Of course, because 721 and 412 are so easy to confuse. Let's see, Mr. Lovett. Ah, of course. The ones with Love and Joy in their names are the worse ones. Like they decided to overcompensate for a last name that automatically puts them in the happy fluffy category.
The Killeroys and Homicidialles are usually pretty nice.
"Of course, Mr. Lovett. I'll be happy to get my manager for you today. If she's not available, would you like me to have her call the room?"
"No, I'm leaving for the rest of the day. You know, I just find it hard to believe that you would stick your customers in a room that is right next to the elevator, has the bathroom the size of a closet, and a room you can barely move around in--"
Wait for it...
"I was just expecting a lot more from the Brinkley House."
Ding Ding Ding. We have a winner.
"Mr Lovett, I do apologize but due to the nature of historic hotels, our room sizes are smaller. I do know that certain bathrooms have little space but I'd be happy to move you to a quiet room that has a bit of a larger bathroom."
"Well, that's fine but I can't do it right now since I'm on my way out, I'll stop by later and pick up the new keys."
"Of course, sir. I'll take care of it for you."
He's doing the peer thing. Trying to see what my name tag says. I wonder if he realizes he looks like a turtle when he does that...
"Just stop by back at the desk later today sir and ask for me, I'm Samantha."
"Fine."
"Have a good day, Mr. Lovett."
Hmm, and there he goes. No thank you. But that would mean he had to admit I was doing him a service as opposed to what he rightly deserves.
"Hey I'm back, you finish the credit check yet?"
"No, got a guest. You find the gift card in the back?"
"Yea, it was on Tatiana's desk."
"Do you think people know that they look like turtles?"
"Something's wrong with you, Sam."
"Yea, I can't finish credit check."
"Oh, good morning sir, how can I help you today?"
One more to go....
"Is a manager available?"
Don't look up, don't get involved....
"Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"
Bless her. She's trying. One. Two. Three-
"I would prefer to speak to your manager ."
He's all yours, Jenny.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
291- Hiatus Over- Until Next Time
I shouldn't play video games. Not because you blink and you've spent four hours trying to jump from ledge to ledge without plummeting to your death approximately 9000 times-- but because I tend to take things with me. Especially things that cause me to do more praying than I do any other time in my life...
(God! JESUS CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, and SWEET MOTHER OF GOD are the typical ones that can be heard...)
No, here's why I should really, really not play video games.
Last night, I was determined to finish Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. I was loaned it back in December and its been mostly sitting and doing nothing except for two memoroable rainy days were I sat down and got through the beginning (again). If you aren't familiar with Uncharted- don't worry, if I didn't have a video playing ex in my life neither would I. It's basically Indiana Jones but updated to have better guns and a wisecracking hero (Nathan Drake), a determined and self holding heroine/TV adventure guide (Elena), and some thugs all going for the mythical lost gold statue of El Dorado.
At least that's what I thought.
I had the jumping down. Well except when I lost patience and just had Drake jump to his death approximately 9000 times. And I soon mastered the aiming and shooting thing (50 head shots- thankyaverymuch) as well as the figuring out where the hell to go next. Sure, I'm playing on easy but the only other video games I've ever played was Kingdom Hearts (which is the Disney Geek in me waving a red flag). But I can get behind this one because the main character reminds me of Nathan Fillion and I'm still kind of hoping that when this gets made into a movie they choose Fillion to play Drake.
So, I jumped, I shot, I searched, and I was rocking it.
UNTIL ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS FREAKING ZOMBIES.
Sorry, if I just ruined it for you but I had to get that off my chest. All of a sudden, I was in the catacombs of a Spanish Monastry on a deserted island and there were zombies. Sure, I had seen some odd thing jumping around in my underground adventures but zombies??? Mutant Zombies??
I did not sign up for this and I know Ex knows better than to give me a video game without a warning of freaking mutant zombies. I'm the girl who cringed all the way through The Shining and was scarred for life as a child by Ernest Scared Stupid which he forced me to watch. I'll admit it- I jumped off the bed and went in the next room during the Troll under the bed scene. I'm not playing around with things crawling in bed with you. Just not.
Anyways, like I said- I had to run from mutant zombies which would kill you by sinking teeth into your flesh and which my shoot/aim skills were put to a test because they're fast little mutants. Let's just say I'm shocked at how many times I didn't die. At the same time, at 1:00 a.m. I'm not going to continue much farther than the dark creepy underground bunker without checking online to see if there's more mutant zombies down there- oh there are?
Saving and going to bed.
See, I'm a wuss. But what really makes me sure I'm not meant to be a video gamer is the fact that my dreams revisit the video game in the oddest ways. Mutant Zombies showing up randomly- check.
Because we all know that the dream in which you're working at your place of employment and mutant zombies are as common as mosquitoes- you have an issue.
But of course, when you switch to a dream where you are foced down a one way street that takes you across the Mississippi River on a bridge- and you go from driving the car to having a video game pan across the bridge view and you are still trying to drive the car straight but cant actually see traffic, road, or bridge poles- its not going to end well.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I ran my car up against the bridge columns, before ending up driving straight off the edge of the bridge into a lake and losing my car in the eddy of the churning waves. Course the camera view would switch back to my horrified sight as I realized I'd have to call my parents and tell them I drove off the side of the bridge....
And that's my point- who dreams about camera angles switching while driving across a bridge?
People who shouldn't play video games that's who.
(I have a week to beat the damn thing. Goddamnmutantzombies)
(God! JESUS CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, and SWEET MOTHER OF GOD are the typical ones that can be heard...)
No, here's why I should really, really not play video games.
At least that's what I thought.
I had the jumping down. Well except when I lost patience and just had Drake jump to his death approximately 9000 times. And I soon mastered the aiming and shooting thing (50 head shots- thankyaverymuch) as well as the figuring out where the hell to go next. Sure, I'm playing on easy but the only other video games I've ever played was Kingdom Hearts (which is the Disney Geek in me waving a red flag). But I can get behind this one because the main character reminds me of Nathan Fillion and I'm still kind of hoping that when this gets made into a movie they choose Fillion to play Drake.
 |
| See what I mean? |
So, I jumped, I shot, I searched, and I was rocking it.
UNTIL ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS FREAKING ZOMBIES.
Sorry, if I just ruined it for you but I had to get that off my chest. All of a sudden, I was in the catacombs of a Spanish Monastry on a deserted island and there were zombies. Sure, I had seen some odd thing jumping around in my underground adventures but zombies??? Mutant Zombies??
I did not sign up for this and I know Ex knows better than to give me a video game without a warning of freaking mutant zombies. I'm the girl who cringed all the way through The Shining and was scarred for life as a child by Ernest Scared Stupid which he forced me to watch. I'll admit it- I jumped off the bed and went in the next room during the Troll under the bed scene. I'm not playing around with things crawling in bed with you. Just not.
Anyways, like I said- I had to run from mutant zombies which would kill you by sinking teeth into your flesh and which my shoot/aim skills were put to a test because they're fast little mutants. Let's just say I'm shocked at how many times I didn't die. At the same time, at 1:00 a.m. I'm not going to continue much farther than the dark creepy underground bunker without checking online to see if there's more mutant zombies down there- oh there are?
Saving and going to bed.
See, I'm a wuss. But what really makes me sure I'm not meant to be a video gamer is the fact that my dreams revisit the video game in the oddest ways. Mutant Zombies showing up randomly- check.
But of course, when you switch to a dream where you are foced down a one way street that takes you across the Mississippi River on a bridge- and you go from driving the car to having a video game pan across the bridge view and you are still trying to drive the car straight but cant actually see traffic, road, or bridge poles- its not going to end well.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I ran my car up against the bridge columns, before ending up driving straight off the edge of the bridge into a lake and losing my car in the eddy of the churning waves. Course the camera view would switch back to my horrified sight as I realized I'd have to call my parents and tell them I drove off the side of the bridge....
And that's my point- who dreams about camera angles switching while driving across a bridge?
People who shouldn't play video games that's who.
(I have a week to beat the damn thing. Goddamnmutantzombies)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
292- Something That Can Make You Smile
I've known this girl for over ten years now- we went through the hell of middle school, the social swamp of high school, and the self safari that is college together. This picture is kind of one of those silent moments that captures a friendship. It's new- but I think it's going to one that I'll look back on ten years from now and still smile at it.
Ps- Shell's blog is Toot Sweet- go check it out. Fashion, Dog Tales, and Baking Nirvana .
293- Something You're Afraid Of
Time.
More importantly- the passing of time. Each day you hurry it by with wishing for tomorrow and hoping it's lunch time but I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up- and I'll be somewhere I never wanted to be because I hurried time along or lived in the moment instead of looking ahead. Or maybe I'll have tired to look ahead so hard that I missed the moments.
We invented time. We constructed clocks and dials and broke it down into hours, minutes, and nanoseconds and we watch it fly by or ignore it with the idea that we have all the time in the world.
So, yes.
I'm afraid of time slipping away and finding I've wasted it. On waiting.
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