291- Hiatus Over- Until Next Time

        I shouldn't play video games. Not because you blink and you've spent four hours trying to jump from ledge to ledge without plummeting to your death approximately 9000 times-- but because I tend to take things with me. Especially things that cause me to do more praying than I do any other time in my life... 

(God! JESUS CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, and SWEET MOTHER OF GOD are the typical ones that can be heard...)

   No, here's why I should really, really not play video games.

Last night, I was determined to finish Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. I was loaned it back in December and its been mostly sitting and doing nothing except for two memoroable rainy days were I sat down and got through the beginning (again). If you aren't familiar with Uncharted- don't worry, if I didn't have a video playing ex in my life neither would I. It's basically Indiana Jones but updated to have better guns and a wisecracking hero (Nathan Drake), a determined and self holding heroine/TV adventure guide (Elena), and some thugs all going for the mythical lost gold statue of El Dorado.

At least that's what I thought.

   I had the jumping down. Well except when I lost patience and just had Drake jump to his death approximately 9000 times. And I soon mastered the aiming and shooting thing (50 head shots- thankyaverymuch) as well as the figuring out where the hell to go next. Sure, I'm playing on easy but the only other video games I've ever played was Kingdom Hearts (which is the Disney Geek in me waving a red flag). But I can get behind this one because the main character reminds me of Nathan Fillion and I'm still kind of hoping that when this gets made into a movie they choose Fillion to play Drake.

See what I mean?

So, I jumped, I shot, I searched, and I was rocking it.

UNTIL ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS FREAKING ZOMBIES.

Sorry, if I just ruined it for you but I had to get that off my chest. All of a sudden, I was in the catacombs of a Spanish Monastry on a deserted island and there were zombies. Sure, I had seen some odd thing jumping around in my underground adventures but zombies??? Mutant Zombies??

I did not sign up for this and I know Ex knows better than to give me a video game without a warning of freaking mutant zombies. I'm the girl who cringed all the way through The Shining and was scarred for life as a child by Ernest Scared Stupid which he forced me to watch. I'll admit it- I jumped off the bed and went in the next room during the Troll under the bed scene. I'm not playing around with things crawling in bed with you. Just not.

Anyways, like I said- I had to run from mutant zombies which would kill you by sinking teeth into your flesh and which my shoot/aim skills were put to a test because they're fast little mutants. Let's just say I'm shocked at how many times I didn't die. At the same time, at 1:00 a.m. I'm not going to continue much farther than the dark creepy underground bunker without checking online to see if there's more mutant zombies down there- oh there are?

Saving and going to bed.

   See, I'm a wuss. But what really makes me sure I'm not meant to be a video gamer is the fact that my dreams revisit the video game in the oddest ways. Mutant Zombies showing up randomly- check.

Because we all know that the dream in which you're working at your place of employment and mutant zombies are as common as mosquitoes- you have an issue.

But of course, when you switch to a dream where you are foced down a one way street that takes you across the Mississippi River on a bridge- and you go from driving the car to having a video game pan across the bridge view and you are still trying to drive the car straight but cant actually see traffic, road, or bridge poles- its not going to end well.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I ran my car up against the bridge columns, before ending up driving straight off the edge of the bridge into a lake and losing my car in the eddy of the churning waves. Course the camera view would switch back to my horrified sight as I realized I'd have to call my parents and tell them I drove off the side of the bridge....

And that's my point- who dreams about camera angles switching while driving across a bridge?

People who shouldn't play video games that's who.

(I have a week to beat the damn thing. Goddamnmutantzombies)