247- To Be Sure

    Strangled by the words in her throat, Rosanna emitted a soft squeak, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She felt like a fish out of water, she thought ruefully, standing here like this....  

  Luckily, the cause of her fish impersonation was unaware of her inner struggle. Dorian sat on the threadbare couch with his computer pulled onto his lap and was blissfully ignorant of anything beside the current sports page. Sickened by her sudden anxiety, Rosanna pushed her bangs out of her eyes but still the words flew through her brain- effectively cutting out the voices of reason and sanity that were doing their best to stop her folly.
 
   Indecision and uncertainty warred, churning her insides as reason tried to be heard over the clamor of her emotional upheavel. As if he could hear the clangs and clatter of her inner battle, Dorian raised his eyes for a second. When he caught her staring at him in distress, his familiar features folded into a wary expression.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked, incredulous.

"Nothing," she lied.

"Okay, whatever," he shrugged and returned to his web browsing leaving her caught up in the eddy of her own mess. She felt anger rise up through the chaos, ire that he couldn't even be bothered to care about what was wrong with her. Anyone could read her face and tell what she was thinking and Dorian knew her better than most. He knew something was wrong but obviously did not feel like playing that guessing game. She knew it was silly to be angry at him for not pressing her but she couldn't help the irritation.

Why couldn't he at least put the damn computer aside and-...And what, she mused darkly, take me in his arms and kiss away my anxiety? God, she swore, when did I become such a insipid romantic?  She turned and fled back to the bathroom.

 Flipping the light on, she stared at the now illuminated mirror. Familiar features stared back at her- brown eyes that were currently confused and clouded, worry and confusion was etched in the line of her mouth and her eyebrows pinched over her too large nose. She could almost forget the blemish that had appeared two nights ago by her right temple when she had her bangs down. She hastily untucked them from behind her ear, brushing out the strands with her fingers. She could hear clicking coming from the other room still. She sighed, the noise echoing in the tiled room and filling her ears.

 Rosanna knew what would come next. She would go to the bedroom, lie down with a book and wait for him to do something. He never did. Dorian would leave her alone until she tried to talk to him and even then he would be silent, letting her spill everything out. She was sick of spilling everything out and then realizing he had never volunteered anything in return. She had once tiredly told him that he would have been an excellent political adviser. He had taken it as a great compliment, even if it hadn't been meant as such..

She turned from the mirror, flipping the light off in thoughtless custom before returning to the living room. He didn't glance up as she settled on the couch, pulling a book off the table beside her.  She twisted to look at the dark haired man beside her, his dark blue eyes scanning a page and seemingly oblivious to her. She cracked the book open and began to read.

The words began to sink back down her throat, twisting back down to where they originated in her gut. She turned the page, half reading and half focused on the warmth emanating next to her. For a few moments, quiet regined in the small space.

Then, a shuffle and bare feet pressed against her thigh before retreating. She glanced up, to the naked eye he was still absorbed in his reading, his body still in the curled position he adapted when the computer became too hot to sit on his lap. She glanced down at the bare feet underneath him and back up at him. He made no sign that she was even sitting there, much less staring at him. She returned to her reading and a moment later, watched as one pale foot creeped out to nudge her again.

She smiled a twisted sardonic grin and folded the book away. She turned to face him and pushed the words down deeper. It wasn't time yet. She had to be sure.

After all, it won't do to tell someone you loved them when they were reading the sports page, she assured herself as he turned to look at her quizzically. She could see the mischief behind the talented facade though, perhaps she would convince him to go out on the porch for a while but even so....

Dorian began his mummer's show of protest and innocence at her claim that he was pushing her, mock irritation and frustration sounding much more real than she would like. All a game but still...Rosanna let it slide around her, the familiar game of him and her. He wouldn't thank her for those words tonight. She felt selfish even wanting to say them. So, she kept them inside.

She had to be sure after all.

Better to be safe than sorry.