259- Where I Stand

Time is one thing, permission another.

 You looked right into me and told me the truth.

You could have lied or avoided the questions, you could have joked back or kissed me and never let go.

But you couldn't help but want to see what lay down a different road,

I was hurt because my road had always been you.

You said to give you time to figure things out but you meant to give you time to try different things out.

I wasn't enough for you.

You passed on mornings under the comforter, teaching each other, cooking dinners to eat during a movie, jokes about my taste in music, board games, piles of books, bubble baths, roses, watching the games and afternoon naps.

You must be able to do without the sight of my smile and the sound of my laugh, the smell of my shampoo, the taste of my kiss and the feel of my touch.

  Forget long phone calls and goodbye kisses.

No more you.

Not for me.

Wise enough to know I can do without you but not strong enough not to miss everything we were.

But you chose someone else.

You didn't want time- you wanted permission to figure out if I was enough for you.

That alone means I'm not.

That alone means I couldn't stay.

And the only way I could leave was by remembering that you just don't love me anymore.

So, I had to forgo any comfort you were offering at goodbye.

Because you couldn't even kiss me one last time.

But -

I wish you happiness.

I wish you love.

I wish you a Cubs Pennant.