262- TEAM

 One of my agents looked at me today and announced, "You look well rested today."

Um. Thanks?

   Upon my obvious confusion, she hastily clarified by explaining that while I've been doing a great job- everyone's noticed that I haven't been myself lately. 

 If you've ever had the pleasure of having a conversation with me- no matter how brief- you would know what she means. You see, I'm one of those people whose inner thoughts are printed right on their face- at all times. It's not that I'm a lousy liar- I just can't help but broadcast whatever I'm feeling even in situations where it is not at all appropriate- like work.
    
     So- If I'm stressed- my staff knows it. Not good and something I'm trying to work on. But sometimes it's just my thinking face or my "816 needs luggage, 816 needs luggage- shit what was the room number again?" face. So, it's not uncommon for my guys to turn the corner, take one look at me, and say "Are you okay?"

  They haven't done that lately. I thought it was because I was getting better at keeping my game face on.

 Not so much.

    I adore my coworkers- they are thoughtful and highly observant people who are always thinking of the team as opposed to themselves. I can't tell you how grateful I am for a boss who understands me and who I can joke with in one second and then deal with a severe "doomsday" situation in the very next. I very possible have the world's best boss. And my team is motivated, dedicated, and hardworking. And sarcastic. I love that about them.

       But as the day wore on, my coworker approached me again to make sure I understood what she had meant earlier.  She wanted to make sure I hadn't taken it the wrong way because it wasn't that I looked rough- but I would very obviously be somewhere else sometimes- going over something in my head and they all could see it as clearly as if I was talking about it outloud.

      So, there was an unspoken rule about getting things done with only minor supervisor assistance, asking if I needed help or something to drink, and even the occasional bar of chocolate at my desk after lunch. No one asked, no one pried- but they paid attention. They noticed when I stopped talking about my best friend and didn't mention anything when they realized my phone had disappeared from its usual perch next to my computer screen. (ah- words with friends- you got me everytime)

 And I've always told them thank you but I just didn't realize until today how much they care about whether or not I'm doing okay. It's not exactly a friendship but it's a team. And as one of the leaders of that team, I was trying to keep my own issues out of the building. I failed obviously but I did try.

 But they looked the other way, waited for me to get the turmoil under control, and politely declined to point out the days where I didn't get to wash my hair because of another fitful night of tossing and turning.

 I am grateful for my team. And as much as I tell them, I don't think I'll say it enough.