270- The Challenge

    Challenge: Look directly in someone's eyes, put everything you can offer out there, and then wait.


  Add moonlight and you have a romantic moment for the ages. Congratulations!

                                     Or you hear a distinct cracking sound and the words "I can't"

The cracking noise? That would be your heart.

I did warn you that it was a challenge. This isn't a game or a last ditch effort. It's like the Olympics- only one person can win. Sorry it wasn't you.

So, here's some steps to fix that broken heart:

1. Get up
2. Wash your face.
3. Eat something. Whatever you want. (I personally recommend Marconi and Cheese)
4. Delete the voicemails, texts, emails, pictures.
5. Change the name of "I Can't" to something fluffy or idiotic. (Princess Lala or Tinkletoes- don't be hateful though- calling someone Idiot or Coward is only going to hurt you)
6. Wash your sheets, clothes, dishes- hell, go volunteer to clean someone's litter box because you can't cry and clean out a litter box at the same time.
7. Go put on the sexiest underwear you own for no other goddamn reason than you look good in them.
8. Cry some more- its completely reasonable- after all, even though you know you'll get through it, it still  fucking hurts.
9. Do NOT get on social media and announce your pathetic state- texts to friends and loved ones is acceptable but only if you want to. Getting your sorry ass under control first isn't always a bad option but if you need people- reach out to people- NOT the internet.
10. Do not hate them- They did not break your arm or hold you under water or run you over with a car (and if they did any of the above- then yes, absolutely hate them- call the cops on them, go at them with a golf club, post their picture on STD sites-) Every heart has different requirements- not everyone is going to be able to handle a heart without breaking it- some are careless, some are inattentive, and some just don't know how to handle your specific heart.
11. Go out- not to meet anyone, but do not mope around the house. Go to work, go to the gym, go out.
12. Listen to whatever music you want-whether it's angry girl rock or melodic white boy soul singers. Whatever is going to get you through it.
13. Go ahead- cry some more.
14. Don't call or text them- they obviously aren't going to be able to handle your heart when it's new and shiny- there's no way they can handle a broken one.
15. Make bad jokes.
16. Do something different- get a hair cut, learn a foreign language, take up belly dancing
17. Write things down, talk to God, do something to get those thoughts out of your head and into the air so they aren't suffocating you.
18. Go on a walk.
19. Throw something heavy at anyone who says "Time Heals All Wounds" because that's just fucking annoying (even if its true).
20. Fall asleep- no matter how hard it might be. Believe me, the mirror is not going to be your favorite thing for a while but you don't have to help it out any.


And then repeat. It's not a perfect system but hey- only fools would take the Challenge- so, you'll have to settle with a Fool's System.