And for some reason, Penelope popped in my head.
You know Penelope- Odysseus's faithful wife- who spun a burial mantle for him by day and undid it by night- putting off the hundreds of suitors that filled her hall attempting to win her heart- and by default- Odysseus's kingdom. I remember reading the Odyssey- I know the story by heart- at least I thought I did.
But now, I can't remember Penelope's story as clearly as her husband's. Sure, he angered Poseidon by blinding his Cyclopes son and condemned himself to years of wandering the seas trying to return home. Yes, he had the Grey Eyed goddess on his side who helped him achieve his heart's desire....
But for a man who only desired to be home- what does his interludes with women signify?
Washed up on her island shore, Calypso intends to keep Odysseus as her immortal husband and does so for years. The two become lovers until Odyesseus finally begs his patron goddess Athena to ask Zeus for Calaypso to free him so he can return to his wife.
Parting with a boat, food, and wine, he looks back only to remark that she is far lovelier than his wife.
(Jerk.)
Okay, I know Greeks weren't overly into the whole female persepective but Homer goes through all the trouble to indentify Penelope as one of the most faithful women in history. Her husband is known as one of the most determined men but what was he eager to return home to? His wife? Or his Kingdom? His peace?
It can of course be argued that Odysseus never loved Calypso but went along with her love in the hopes of escape. Which is exactly what he did with Circe- trading his love and devotion in return for her to transform his men back into men.
All while Penelope hosts a hundred men who abuse the famed Greek hospitality and demand her to chose a new lord. Putting them off with her sewing tricks, Penelope never can outright refuse their demands. History tells us that Greek women had little to no power.
But in the midst of all those men, was she ever tempted?
To step out of her faithful role of wife, take a lover and use him instead of letting him use her? After all, her husband did exactly that in his travels. And how did Penelope feel about her husband's years spent on islands- living with other women- sharing their beds?
Like I said, I don't remember nearly as much as the Odyssey as I would like. But I can imagine her weeping herself to sleep every night- knowing her husband is in a pointless war, doomed to a certain death and only to find he survived but unable to return home.
It would drive anyone over the edge.
But she waited. She schemed and she hoped and she put her trust in the man she loved to return to her.
How much of that is loyalty and how much of that is blind devotion?
I ask because I can't imagine where her pride was in the ten years of his absence. It's easy to understand why she was not seduced by the obvious gold diggers clogging her halls but would she have understood her husband sharing an island for 7 of the 10 years he was gone with another woman?
Or is the simple fact that he returned to her enough?
That's what I pondered as the rest of the conversation continued around me. To experience the sheer joy of his return- and the tredipation that it could all be a trick of the Gods- is highly understandable. But did she never ask? Did he never tell her?
"Oh by the way, I lived with a nymph for seven years. She's prettier than you but can't cook to save her life"
You can see why Homer failed to touch the subject.
I can't help but think it rather insipid.
But I'm in a completely different age and era- women have voices, chances to change their lives- they do not need to rely on men or husbands but can strike out and make their own destiny. However, many of us still do exactly that.
Today, we stay with men even if they cheat or make us feel doubt ourselves and we call it Love.We claim we would never stand for such treatment to our girl friends one day and then cry about his transgressions the next.
So, my question is: Are we modern day Penelopes?
Not all of us of course- but some give the men in their lives time to "figure things out" even if it takes them away from the relationship. As long as they return home- back to their Penelopes.
It is an occurring fact that wives look the other way, expecting the men to snap to their senses and return home. But the modern day Odysseus continues to explore- always aware he can simply return home where a faithful woman awaits his return so eager to see him that she ignores where he's been.
Now, I can't help but mention a modern day Penelope- Penny from Lost.
The difference here is that while Penny refuses to wait for her Odysseus (Desmond) to get his act together. While he loves her, he is unable to commit and Penny walks away.
During this time period, Penny determinedly strives to get over Desmond- even getting engaged to someone else in his absence. Yet, she still cares deeply for the man who got away- enough to go back and ask him why. Sensing her hope for a future together, Desmond attempts to win her back by winning a yachting competition (!) only to get shipwrecked on the island and unable to escape. Now, I'm not going to try to explain Lost to you - but let's just say at no point on the island is Desmond ever with another woman. He does nothing but attempt to get off the island and return to Penny.There's the difference.
Penelope waited for her loving( and cheating) husband but never went searching for him. Penny actively used her resources to find a man she instinctively knew loved her.
Now, I'm not blaming Odysseus- Greek men weren't really raised to be faithful. It was not a part of the culture and I should not attempt to judge or criticize his actions using my modern day culture.
But I can sympathize with Penelope's heartbreak even while I empathize with her eventual heartbreak if she knew the extent of her husband's travels. She probably would have still waited.
Would we modern Penelopes do the same?
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